strength

I try like anyone else, to do good to make myself better and learn what i need to work on as i grow up. But sometimes it feels like its not enough that no matter how hard i keep my guard up i still get blind sided once in a while and shit hurts like fuck. I don't know if its a gift that no matter how many times i fall or get pushed down i still get up and dust it off. Or its stubborn and pigheadedness that won't let me quit that i feel like its a curse. I really think sometimes i am a good person and i should not have to suffer any pain on the account of my sins at least not suffer this long. Its funny how people can push on or play with life with out of a care but when some shit fucks up, you start to second guess if you are who you are and that your the right person. I just wana find the strength in myself to push all this negative energy away from me and my personal life for a day then i can feel like i am at peace.

This Weekend

So this weekend is about Adam and his birthday haha yea he's a young one but then again im not that older than him. So....... Flo told me that her dog got out and no its not Charles but what got my attention was that she was crying over him. I mean I know she loves that guy but not as much as Charles but hey i guess i kinda turned her to a animal lover.
So what also caught my attention was im second guessing what i want to do for my "Career" flo pointed out that i am a very loveing and passionate kind of guy so i don't know if im gona stick with Engineering and i might go to the medical field and if i do i dont know if i want to go with humans or animals or maybe both man thats alot of school...... well what ever god has in store for me im sure its the right thing. Oh yea thanks to Flo and Justin they kinda got my faith back and what I mean was that i lost hope in God that he is listening but what i learned was that he is and always will its just if i will notice that he anwsers what im asking. But other than that nothing new i would like an a saying if anyone wants to say something bout my career choice.

P.S. i watched Kung Fu Panda kick ass movie haha man total need to watch bases well later..

So Far

So far in my life what i learned in the past week is one that i got a call from my real dad from Texas. I didnt talk with him but he mentioned with my mom that if i dont get back to San Jose state he wont pay any payments on my tution loan and he makes it seem like im the bad guy here and from what i recall i'm his son! Well besides that, my mother said that if he doesn't pay and that if he fowards the bill to my house under my name and my mom's, she said that she won't pay a dime on it. So lately i was thinking that my parents really care about me yea right.... Well besides that i also was thinking that maybe i should have stayed in San Jose and just go to city college, but then i thought about it and realized how i can't get the money for any loans and i haven't built enough creadit to get a loan by myself.
Other than that i also learned that or should i say realized how much i HATE flo's little sister. Ok she's not bad at all but she annoys the living FUCK out of me. I mean i have patience sometimes a lot more than the average guy but its something about the girl how she's normal then fucking BITCH mode for no reason, sometimes i feel like i wish i only knew flo and her and her mom not her sister. Ok seriously i don't mean anything and i hope nothing happens to her but i just want to be left alone but even when i mind my own busniess she goes and tries to get my attention and i don't want to be rude and ignore her even though i wish its that simple.
So far anything else i wanna say something is just how much i envy flo and how she can solve her money problems or anything that requires money like the other day her battery in her car was shot, pretty much to the point where she had to get it replaced all she had to do is call her mom and get the ok and she got a new one. If that was me i ask my mom then i would have to wait until 3 months past if im that lucky. Don't get me wrong i am lucky in other places and i am counting my blessings everyday and i know things can get worse but sometimes when i see and look at flo on how easy things get by her sometimes i wish that could happen just once to me but no i have to stop day dreaming and go back to work well so to speak.
Thats it for now maybe in the next couple of weeks things could better like Justin says just put your faith in God and he will answer just wait.

Thinking about

So yesterday was my little sister's bday and i called her, what i was suspecting though was a normal chat with my sister you know a big kid to little kid talk. The funny thing was 1 she has a cell phone and she's ten since yesterday, also when i called her she didn't sound so little anymore. I've only seen my sister a handful of times and none of them was a consistence look. Every time i see her she's a little bigger, smarter, and anything else a child would do which is grow up. The one thing really sadden me though was that she's growing up way to fast to me, but maybe that's just me. Flo tells me everytime we talk about her or see her is that she is really pretty which she is and that gets to me but thats the big brother in me.
But really there's nothing i can do she lives in Texas and I'm in California so the best i can do is just love and let her know that. Anyways i was talking to my grandpa's home care nurse i realize how kids these days are really in short spoiled. I'm not trying to say that there are bad parents but the parents give in way to easy sometimes like my cousin ryan the boy got a ps2 before me now he has a Wii a ipod and soon enough a cell phone im sure and the kid is just in the 5th grade. On top of that the boy thinks he is the big boss to everyone he has quite a mouth.
On the lighter side i had math class today and in front of me were these white girls and would'nt you know it they weren't doing the math work, they were playing sudoku haha. When i saw that i thought of George Lopez in his latest stand up movie and he was making fun of white people " OMG I just love playing sudoku in starbucks with my blue tooth." haha man i miss my apartment you have no idea well thats it for now.

Dumbass

So this is my first Blog here so hope it goes well. Anyways i did a really dumb ass move you know the one where its very simple but it can be made to a big deal with the right people or person to do it. Yea like my roomate i care for my car but not as bad as him haha, well i was pulling out and away from my house like any given day and i was just pulling out between two cars so i end up cracking my passenger light and it wasn't a big deal or anything until my mom made it that way. Besides my mom making feel like a dumb ass my uncle did ask me earlier if i want him to pull up a bit so i have room..... man talk about a dumb ass move oh well i just got a move on and keep pushing or eyes on the prize thanks babe for the setting up my accout.

number one.

this blog exists for the following reasons :

1) because my girlfriend is a nosy bitch... kidding.
2) she also thinks i need to work on my writing skills
3) i need a place to sort my thoughts and clear my mind.
4) it is also a place to rest my weary head.

that's it for now, i hope this works.