Races

ok so far i had a great weekend only one thing did not go the way i wanted it. But as life will remind all of us you can not get what you always want. i know i have to work harder to get where i need to but it was nice to have a change of pace for once well back to the races.

If Only

i know your watching me and i know your telling me it will be ok. But some days i wake up and hope it is just a dream. I know your in a better place doing everything and anything you want and as long as your happy i will be ok. But if there was a day i miss it would be waking up as a 5th grader again and hearing you yell at the tv at the people in the price is right show. i would sit next to you and have my bowl of cereal and just enjoy your company. If there was a moment to relive i would not mind reliving that. If only.

your standards

however its gona end i know its not gona end well...... something tells me that i wont like how my next few weeks are gona turn out. why is it that i have done nothing wrong and yet.....i love will all my heart and more but i guess i am not to par for whatever your new standards are.

It can only get better right?

I knew it all along, i knew something was wrong, but i guess like you i wanted to believe that it was not true. I told myself if again i should drop everything but something tells me that it is gona be worth all the trouble, the pain, the heart becoming broken. I only hope that the choice i made will not haunt me later, you say i am like the rest but how come i am trying to become better and yet you did not see that. I know i am not perfect but at least i know where i stand i see now that i have finally hit rock bottom and the only way is up so it can only get better right?

California

Ok im back, im back and im happy but a little cold haha well the weather is any way i officially got back yesterday late afternoon. The first person i saw when i got back was the only one that matters besides my family but beyond the point im hella glad she was the one who picked me up and no one else i missed her everyday i was gone. I had no one but white people no offense to anyone it was just to feel like i was part of the crowd so to speak. Thats it for now i gotta a little sister's promotion to go to oh and one more thing there was something i forgot to put on that postcard i love you more than i did yesterday and if tomorrow you became my wife i would be the luckest guy and nothing would matter im glad you were the first person i saw when i got back here.....in California

Texas

Ok so im in Texas for the next week and a half. For starters i already miss flo and i do know why, it is because i like spending time with just cause. To me it is fun and it helps get the time to pass while i hang out with her and i think its coo even if we do not go out anymore. any ways so im here in Texas with my dad again and the 2nd day already passed whooo!!! but today was not cool. I had to help with my dad to make or finish his project and it was pretty much in the hot ass sun all day and work out all day by doing garden work not my strongest suite. But it is whatever im here might as well make the best of it. so i started to look around for something to buy flo before i get back i did find some things that remind me of her like a post card and maybe i can write on it or something like that or maybe a cheap belt bulkle but i dont know yet. well im hella tired and on top of that it was my little brothers promotion from Kindergarden to First grade, it was nice early but nice, but i do realize that he is getting older and man he is only five but he can be a little shit and i do not mean that in a rude way it is just.... im not used to him always wanting to play but then again i hardly see him let alone my sister who flo says shes growing up hella cute and i can not do a damn thing cuz she is getting older but im gona be in Cali while shes here so what can you do. Oh and i found out she knock out a boy crazy right?! well ill post again i just have to wait till i get back from this condo place my dad said they checked out for the weeked, well til then later homies!!!

Its Funny

Its funny i know i won't forget you, i know what i did you won't ever forget and maybe in some ways this is the only way. i can't tell you how many times im sorry and i know those words are false and hollow but i guess........ what is done and it is over. i look back and think to my self that you were too good for me and i am idiot for trying to keep you to myself. I guess i thought i....maybe....no never mind. all i know is that i have to start all over and its gona fucking suck but its the only way for me i just wish i could have been better and i hate myself for letting this get this far and ended the way it did. Your tone the way we talked it tells me that you dont regret you choice and you can stop youself....... but i guess you wanted to me to feel as much pain as i did to you. i know i desreve it i just hope and prey that i can be forgiven for what i know i should have done a long time ago. funny im done crying

Bittersweet

I know what i did was wrong by all measures.....you know how people say a bittersweet victory is a bad one i think a bittersweet lose is worst thats all i have in my mouth a taste i can not wash down with anything i drink but i hope one day i can taste again.

wow have not been here in awhile

ok i know i havent kept up with the blog thing but to keep it short cause i have a midterm coming up im single still looking for a job and school is still the same and i have other stuff to say just not right now i gotta go to school
P.S. saw "i love you man" funny as hell haha toats my goats haha k i gotta go promise i post a new one soon i hope